


All the Birds Leave Raking Turquoise Ruts Across the Velveeta Sky

by margaritaville_antifa



Category: Utopia (Band)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-06-28 15:44:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15710274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/margaritaville_antifa/pseuds/margaritaville_antifa
Summary: It's time to scream.





	All the Birds Leave Raking Turquoise Ruts Across the Velveeta Sky

**Author's Note:**

> :^)

It was just another Friday afternoon in Staten Island. The sun was shining and everyone was out enjoying themselves. Everyone except one Kasim Sulton. His nightmare was only just beginning...

Kasim was taking a nap on his couch in his parent's basement, tired from all the work he had done with Utopia for the past week. He was having a pleasant dream, probably about a very attractive lady, which was rudely interrupted by the phone ringing. He got up, reached for the phone on the coffee table, and mumbled "Hello?" into the receiver. 

"It's time," said that all-too-familiar nasally voice. "Get over here to the studio. Now."

Kasim heard the click signalling that Todd had hung up on him and knew that, whatever it was, it was serious. Then he remembered; today was very important. It wasn't just another session in the studio, no, it was... something else. Kasim grabbed his keys and wallet and put on his leather jacket on the way out.

On the long, tumultuous drive from NYC to Bearsville, Kasim's thoughts were racing, trying to remember EXACTLY what Todd had planned for them. It wasn't anyone's birthday and it wasn't a holiday so... what was it? The two hour drive gave him some time to think but somehow none of his theories made sense. Then, as he approached the studio driveway, he noticed in the corner of his eye, a shopping bag on the floor of the passenger side, slightly tucked under the seat. "Shit..." he muttered, as he parked the car. He took the key out of the ignition, grabbed the bag, and got out of his car, heading up to the door of the Bearsville Studio. He knocked on the door several times and held his breath as the door slowly opened and none other than Todd poked his head out.

"Did ya bring it, Kas?"

"Yeah," Kasim said, holding up the plastic bag which contained a box in it.

"Well, come on in. We're ready."

Kasim followed Todd down the hallway into the breakroom. Roger and Willie were there on the couch, watching TV. They both looked up at Kasim when he entered.

"Oh, hey Kaz," Roger said, pushing up his glasses. "It took you a while to get here, did you sleep in today?"

"Yeah I was very tired. Almost forgot I had to eat this crap today," Kasim said. He slammed the bag on the table and poured himself a glass of water. "So what's new with you guys?"

"Nothing much," Willie said. "We're just waiting for you. Todd already has everything set up in the kitchen." Willie turned to look at Roger. "This guy is making me sit through Star Trek reruns," he groaned.

"Well, what else were we gonna do, play Monopoly again?" Roger said. "We all know how well THAT turned out for us." He shuddered. 

Todd walked into the room and fumbled with the bag, taking out the box. "I'm not sure this is gonna end up well for us either," he said, holding up the box. Everyone stood in silence, looking at what the box said. 

Velveeta Cheesy Skillets. Ultimate Cheeseburger Mac.

"I'm not eating that," Roger stated.

"Don't worry about it Rog, you and Willie are safe," Todd said. "You guys earned your spot in this band. Kasim however..."

Kasim started to sweat out of pure, unadulterated fear. "C'mon Todd, you don't have to do this... Can't you guys haze me some other way?"

"Kaz. Kitchen. Now."

Kasim did as he was told (as always) and was immediately hit with the smell of ground beef. Todd had already begun cooking the meat in his cast iron skillet and it was already browned and ready for the next step. Todd poured in some water and opened the box. He took out two pouches and dumped the dry pasta in with the beef, then opened the smaller pouch and sprinkled in the seasoning. He stirred the mixture, slowly almost seductively, and reduced the heat. 

"Alright, we gotta let that sit for about ten minutes," Todd said, putting a lid over the pan. "I'm gonna get the camera."

"YOU'RE FILMING ME EATING THAT?" 

"Yeah, it's a home movie! For memories!" Todd said. "Gimme a sec, I gotta find my equipment."

\---------------------------------------------

"Ok, we're rollin' now!"

Todd stepped out from behind the tripod and lifted the lid up, the stench from the food almost knocking him out cold.

Roger peeked his head into the kitchen. "Did you guys add the gold yet?"

Nah, not yet, but we're about to."

Todd stirred the concoction some more, which produced all manners of wet, squishy sounds. Kasim felt lightheaded just listening to it.

"Alright folks," Todd said. "This is a Velveeta Skillet. And THIS," he held up the large unopened pouch from the box. "Is liquid gold. The cheese sauce."

"More like chemical sauce," Roger said.

"Eh, I'm sure there's some kind of cheese in there. Hopefully," Todd said as he opened the package with a pair of crafting scissors. "So, I've already forged the meat and pasta, now all that's left is liquid gold..."

Kasim watched, slack jawed, as Todd squeezed the package and the contents of it oozed all over the food. It didn't look like any sauce he had seen before. Sickly neon yellow slime plopped down into the skillet, drop after drop. Todd was determined to get every last ounce out, just to make his bassist suffer some more.

"That looks absolutely disgusting," Roger wrinkled his nose at the sight.

"It's just cheese," Todd shrugged.

"IT IS NOT JUST CHEESE!" Kasim yelled. "I don't know what the hell that is but it's not cheese..."

"Eh shaddup ya crybaby," Todd laughed as he mixed the "cheese" with the rest of the ingredients. 

"Am I gonna have to eat the whole thing? Since Rog and Willie don't want any?" 

"Nah, I'm gonna have some too, I'm hungry."

"Todd, you're fucking insane to want to eat that voluntarily," Willie said, as he walked into the kitchen.

"What? I'm hungry and it's food!" 

"Food," Roger said sarcastically, doing air quotes. 

"Whatever, let's just get Kasim to eat this already," Todd grabbed a bowl and started shoveling the skillet dinner into it very messily as the sauce started to run down the sides. Once he filled it up, he scooped the rest into a larger bowl for himself. He shoved the smaller bowl towards Kasim.

"God, that smell is killing me," Roger sat down, rubbing the sides of his head.

"Yeah, it does smell pretty bad. I'm gonna step outside for a bit," Willie said as he walked out with Roger closely following him, leaving Todd and Kasim alone.

Todd turned to Kasim who was just staring into his bowl, stirring his spoon a little bit. "C'mon Kaz, just get it over with."

"Alright, here I go."

Kasim lifted a spoonful, blew on it to cool it down, and put it in his mouth. Todd watched as Kas chewed it, swallowed it, and set his plate on the table.

"It just... tastes like nothing to be honest," Kasim said.

Todd raised an eyebrow and ate a bit from his bowl. Kasim was right. It did indeed, taste like nothing.

"What was the point of this again?"

I don't know."

They stood in silence for a moment.

"Hey Todd. Do you wanna go to Taco Bell. We can bring Rog and Willie, if they wanna come."

"Yeah, sure."

And so Todd and the boys all got into Kasim's car and drove to Kingston, where the nearest Taco Bell was at, and all got Doritos Locos Tacos (TM). They were very tasty.

The end.


End file.
